The Most Important Factor in Getting Kids to Church

I've been doing this thing called youth ministry now for a long time...and wouldn't you know, I'm still trying to figure it all out. I've read books, been to conferences, sat in formal classes, discussed with my peers, joined discussion forums, and just about everything else I can do to understand these slightly-smaller-than-me people God made called teenagers. While everyone will say that numbers don't matter, there still seems to be this unwritten pressure to get more kids in the door. Youth leaders like me are always discussing the perfect event, the perfect activity, the perfect format for our meetings (you know, hang out, then structured games, then worship, then Bible study), the perfect outreach event or trip, and how important small groups are to our ministries. And these are all good. But I think I've figured out the #1 factor in whether or not a student attends a particular church or youth group. That factor is....friends.

Yes, friends. Why do some kids want to go to a different church than where their parents go? Friends. Why do some of the kids who come to your youth group have no family members in your church? Friends. Why do some kids whose parents are very involved in your church choose not to come to youth group meetings? Friends. How could friends cause them not to come? Because their friends are not at youth group. The people they consider to be friends are in 7th period algebra or on the basketball team with them. They are playing video games with them on Friday nights before crashing out on the living room floor with a half-eaten bowl of popcorn.

So, what do we do when a kid in your church doesn't consider the other kids in the youth group to be "friends"? This is a common thing in my group as we have 5 school districts and nearly 10 campuses in the area around my church. I also changed churches my 7th grade year because I was the only kid in my youth group who went to a particular school and felt I had absolutely nothing in common with the other students there (which was true). I went to a smaller church with a smaller youth program because of one thing. Friends. So here are some things to help kids connect and make their "friends from church" just their "friends".

1. Schedule games and activities that encourage the kids to interact with each other. Play silly games that encourage interaction and team building.

2. Allow for informal relationship building with time for kids to hang out. Video games are a great way for kids to connect with each other.

3. Encourage kids to spend time together outside of youth group.

4. On short trips, discourage your kids from bringing video games or MP3 players to encourage interaction with one another. (On long trips your kids may go crazy without these things and will probably eventually bond anyway.)

To be honest, though, I wrote this post not because of my expertise, but because of my frustration. It seems the main reason I have some kids who are not as active is because they don't consider the kids at church to be their friends. Some of them attend other churches. Some don't come at all. Some of my kids who do come are very active because of the friendships they have there. What is it that you do in your youth group (or out of it) to allow kids who go to different schools or run in different social circles to build relationships and become friends?

Does Technology in Ministry Have to be Cutting Edge?

Recently, a friend of mine, Russell Martin, blogged about the goals of websites in ministry. His question, based on a conversation we had about a website we had a mutual interest in, was that when we create a website for our ministry or our church, is our goal to get people to our website or to get people to our church? I have a similar question as well about the role of technology in ministry.

I recently took over our church's website. In the last 24 months, the approach to web development seems to have drastically changed as the shift has migrated from having static information about your program available on the web, to having constantly changing, updated information that comes to your "followers" through Twitter, Facebook, blog feeds, or email subscriptions. No longer are you trying to direct traffic to your site, but rather you're trying to direct your site to others. As for me, I am involved with an older congregation, most of whom probably have computers with internet connections. However, does that mean that every technology available is going to be right for our church? For example, out of 230 people who regularly attend services, we have 53 who follow us via our Facebook fan page. Conversely, of the numerous random people who are following us on Twitter, only one of those is a church member and she actually had never used Twitter before signing up to follow our church website!

So, should I continue to progress in our technological capabilities by allowing our church members new ways of keeping up with our church (i.e. podcasting as opposed to online audio), or continue to use the methods that our congregation is comfortable with? I think the answer lies in what your congregation is comfortable with. Here's why.

1. Technology is scary to some people. For many, the simpler the better. If you do not serve a bunch of IT personnell and web developers, don't be afraid to keep your communications simple.
Not only will people be more likely to use it because they are comfortable with it, but they won't feel compelled to change just so they can stay up-to-date with your group.

2. There are so many portals available for people to receive information (Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, blogging, Posterous, Email, StumleUpon, LinkedUp, iphone apps, Blackberry apps...etc.), that it's easy for information to get lost in the shuffle and you can spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to send information to all these media that may or may not ever be used by anyone in your organization.

3. Being "cutting edge" is a relative concept. So while a new smartphone app or social media site my be the next big thing to a very tech-savvy person, for many simply having a Facebook page is just as revolutionary. You don't have to be cutting edge with the world to be cutting edge with your followers!

What have been your experiences using technology in ministry?

Is Having Things in Common with Your Students a Pre-requisite for Ministry?

It seems I spend a lot of my time in ministry behind a desk learning how to make the most of the time I have with our kids and working on other projects I take care of here at our church. Also, our church has a pretty rigid policy which speaks against a lot of one-on-one ministry time that I've had with students in other churches where I've worked. So most ministry has to be done in a fairly formal setting. Well, this week, a couple of my students came up to help us pass out door-hangers in the neighborhood to advertise for our Christmas Eve Service. I got a chance to just hang out with a couple of my guys for a little while and I learned something in that time.

I've always been aware that I don't have many of the same intrests as the kids in my youth group. And the older I get, this issue doesn't get any better. While we all like music, we like completely different kinds. I love to follow sports and watch them on TV. I like the outdoors and enjoy hunting and fishing in my spare time. I also work with my dad doing ranch work, building fence, vaccinating cows, putting out feed. While these are the things I spend most of my leisure time doing, my students are not into any of these things really. In our group of nearly 20 kids who come on a regular basis, I have two who play basketball in a very small school district that really has few other offerings in terms of extra-curricular activities. My kids don't enjoy hunting or fishing and certainly wouldn't be found sticking a vaccinating needle in calf. While these are the things that I do and enjoy, most of them really enjoy video games, modern music, and the latest tech gadgets available. As I attempted to visit with these two guys in my group yesterday, I realized I had nothing to contribute to their discussion of "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare", or "Split Second", the soon-to-be-released action racing game. I didn't know anything about how the controls worked, or what special weapons you could get. Aside from reading part of GameInformer magazine last month (a feeble attempt at exploring their world), I had almost nothing to say. This got me thinking.

How critical is it that I share the same interests with the students I'm called to reach? Obviously being a guy I will have less in common with the girls in my group, but really, how much of a factor is it that I don't know how to get the super photon blaster on level 5, or I don't listen to Paramore or All-American Rejects? As I think about this, I look back at the ministry of Jesus. He was a carpenter, but many of his disciples came from other vocations (fisherman, tax collectors, etc.). So what was the common bond they talked about? Logically, I think it was the things of God. But we know that Jesus used his knowledge of their interests to help them understand certain things (i.e. become a fisher of men). So I'm asking you. How critical is it for someone to have the same interests as someone in order to build a deeper relationship with them? You can also respond to this question at MinistryQuestions.com.