Grounding Your Kids From Church

I recently had a discussion with a parent who informed me their student would not be attending youth group for a while until (s)he learned the merits of good decision making. This caused me to ponder a certain phenomenon I have yet to figure out. This weekend as I was on the tractor baling hay, my mind began to think about this idea at length. Here are some things I concluded.

First of all, from a ministry standpoint, grounding a student from church because the student has made bad choices, goes against all logic. In high school I struggled through algebra. When I failed an algebra test, my mom did not forbid me from doing more math homework. It was quite the opposite. My education-minded mother brought me to school early so I could spend time with my teacher learning what I had not yet mastered. So why would a parent whose student is not making good decisions deprive that student from an institution that I believe is set up to help them make good decisions? Here are three possible reasons.

1. Parents do not perceive church youth programs to be relevant, life-changing institutions that truly have a positive impact on their son or daughter's moral development. As youth workers, we know why we got into youth ministry, and it wasn't for the astronomical salary and benefits. It was to see students lives changed as they become molded into the spirit of Christ. However, from the outside looking in, it may be very accurate to say that parents perceive our youth programs as another social function where kids play "chubby bunnies" and have concerts and lock-ins, but do little to shape the spiritual lives of teens.

2. Church youth programs are not relevant, life-changing institutions that truly have a positive impact on their son or daughter's moral development. While some people who have not spent any time in a youth program may not have a clue what goes on, the fact remains that some of our youth ministries are not doing the work God has called us to do. Many of us as youth workers have bought into the "amusement park tour guide" mentality that it is our job just to make sure the kids are too busy to get into "sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll". If our programs are not doing anything to mold the spiritual lives of our teens, maybe our parents are justified in grounding their kids from church.

3. Church members in general do not perceive the church to be agents of divine change in the world. If a parent does not perceive the youth group to be an important part of a student's spiritual and moral growth, it may be because the church is not an important part of the parent's spiritual and moral growth. This will depend on the individual and the church. But I would dare say that for many church members (including those with teenage youth), the church is another social network, a place to make business contacts, or it serves another menial role other than being an agent of change in the world.

So what would you add to this list? Do your parents ground kids from church? If so, why do you think that is? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Getting Adult Involvement in Youth Ministry--Baby Steps

Many churches have the mentality that hiring a youth director/pastor/worker will solve all of their youth-related issues and they can "wipe their hands clean" of all things youth. But those in the trenches of youth ministry know that no youth program will ever be effective if it is the youth worker's one-person show. Lots of youth workers ask the question, "How do you get parents and volunteers involved?" I was just asked this same question by a fellow youth worker who was fairly new to her congregation and was facing a sense of apathy from many parents of youth. So, I laid out for her how we've made the progression from getting them to bring their kids to getting them involved and recorded my thoughts here. This is not the only way or even the best way...just the way that has worked for us.

1. Rely on them for planning. Almost every youth program has events throughout the year. The last thing a youth worker wants to do is plan a retreat while half the youth group is going to be at a band contest, or plan a mission trip when a large number of kids will be at cheerleading camp. Parents are an invaluable resource for simply synchronizing the calendar so that youth events are at a time that are most convenient for everyone.

2. Get their help with mundane, but necessary tasks in the youth program. Just about every church has a minimum requirement on the number of adults that should be at every youth meeting, event or trip. Also, many churches have limited transportation (only one church van, or maybe two vans and only one driver). Recruit parents to be "warm bodies" at meetings and drivers and chaperones on trips. This just gets them used to being a part of the program.

3. Move into more spiritual roles. Many youth groups are set up in a small group ministry model where kids spend time developing relationships and learning in small groups with kids their own age and gender. The next step for many volunteers will be to spend time as a small group leader. While some ministries require a lot of planning and preparation, our small group ministry will be for a short question time at the end of our Sunday night Bible study. It is my hope and goal that these small groups will begin to do some activities on their own outside of the regular youth group meetings.

What has worked for you in your ministry?

How to get forms in on time?

This week, I've almost pulled my remaining hair out trying to get forms from all of the students we have going to two different mission trips. It has been a virtual communications experiment trying to acquire the registration forms this week by the April 15th deadline. Actually the deadline was April 1st, but the grace period carried over to the 15th (yes, I know it's tax day). I was joking with a friend of mine that I had decided to look on ebay for a team of ninjas (preferrably elderly and fat ones to keep costs low) to send to homes and acquire forms and payment from families when we were up against a deadline. So, here is how I went about everything. Please let me know if you would have done things differently.
1. Announce it to the students at youth group.
2. Email the forms to parents.
3. Snail mail the forms to the parents because email obviously didn't work.
4. Call/text remaining forms.
5. Have the pastor announce from the pulpit that registration forms are due.
6. Call/text ones that still weren't in.
All of the families paid their deposits for their students to go, so whether the kid wants to go or not, isn't the issue. Payment isn't even due for them until next week after we do a fund raiser lunch. So all that was required was to fill out a form and send it back with their kid at a youth meeting. I would rather not spend a good chunk of my youth budget on old/fat ninjas, so I'm asking my colleagues in youth ministry what you do to get forms in on time. Please comment on your thoughts!